Captivated On 5th Avenue: Book 3 (5th Avenue Romance Series) Page 7

  The backside of his fingers slid down my cheeks. “We will be whole again, I promise. Thank God I’m yours.”

  As he entered me, I felt the rush both mentally and physically that had been missing since the day he left. The response of my sensitive flesh to his was overwhelming. We were both emotionally and physically charged. In past encounters, he would normally push up above me on his forearms, allowing him to watch me in response. But, he was making love to me with more skin to skin connection and I found it brought me closer to him sensually.

  With every thrust, I craved the edge I knew he could take me to, but when my climax riveted through me, I wasn’t expecting the cathartic aftermath in such a heavy way. Every nerve on a beautiful high, every worry faded out to sea and all the moments of despair seemed to have vanished.

  His movements stalled as he waited for my breaths to return. “I prayed you’d never forget.” He ran his finger from my throat to my sensitive clit.

  “I didn’t.”

  When he pulled out of me, I felt empty in every sense. But it was only to lay on his back so that he could assist me on top of him. I’d never liked being on top—until him. It became one of my all-time favorite positions with him.

  His climax deep inside me triggered another of my own. It was our moment to be finally one together, hopefully, to never stray apart ever again.

  But perfection was only in dreams…

  Chapter Twelve

  Lying in his arms long after dark, I was surprised employees weren’t beating on the door. “We’re breaking all kinds of rules, aren’t we?”

  “Yes and no. They’ve been trying to kick me out of here for weeks now. Dr. Starrett believes I’m hiding here, not rehabbing.”

  “Which truth is it?”

  He kissed my forehead. “Hiding.”

  His confession stung in a way. Why would he hide from me? I had so many questions and a teensy amount of answers, but due to his condition, I was scared to push him. I’d been geared up for a fight, but the real world revelations took that power away from me.

  Or did it? If I couldn’t stand up for me, our children, then what? I had a right—having his child, being the love of his life gave me that.

  “I have to know something. Can you explain to me how you walk away from someone you profess to love so much?”

  He propped up on his left elbow. “I didn’t.”

  What? Whiplash. Wrong words, buddy. I sat up in bed beside him. “Yes, you did. Twice. The hospital and in California. Oh, and at my house, the night of the party, so make it three times.” By now, I was pissed. “And every fucking time I called or text and you didn’t respond.”

  “Rehabs don’t allow phones.”

  “Try again,” I cried.

  He ran his fingers through his hair and looked away from me. “I was so scared you’d hate the real me.”

  “Does this look like hate to you.” My arm extended over his bed.

  “It looks like need to me.” His eyes lowered.

  Huh? “God, yes, I need you. Ty needs you. I want you home with me. But you have to answer for walking out on us. You have to show our sons how to be a man and stand up for your family. Ian, you have to fight your demons for us.” I paused trying to comprehend everything. “I wanted to be included in your decision to leave us, but instead, you cast me off as if my opinion didn’t matter. So, I’m telling you right now, if you ever leave again, I won’t chase you. I won’t. I’ll let you walk away and live a lifetime of regret without our child. Do you understand?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “For God’s sake, yes. But, I have to know,” he sat on the edge of the bed. “Take a long look at me. I’m deformed and still need assistance with a few things, I can’t work, and I’m not sure I’ll even be able to change a diaper. Hell, I can’t even jack my dick off right now. Can you live with all of that?”

  “Yes. I can.”

  “You’re sure?” He put both hands on the side of my face. They smelled like clean soap, a hint of sex and felt like a promise to me. “Because I swear, if you take me back, I’ll fight every day to be a better man for me, you and our kids.”

  “Yes, I’m sure. Me or the drug life. You choose right now.”

  He kissed me hard enough to bruise my lips. “You,” his whispered against my mouth. When his eyes closed, I felt his eyelids shut upon my heart, sealing us together. Mending what was internally broken.

  Carson had left me dead inside. My heart came to life the moment Ian first kissed me. Until I’m dead and gone, I’ll remember that kiss—full of life, love and promise.

  He rolled to the side of the bed and picked up the phone. “Call Starrett. I’m checking out tonight,” and hung up.

  “You’re leaving?”

  “We are. I assume you have a hotel reservation?”

  Giddy didn’t even seem close to describing the excitement I was feeling, but it was wrapped up in a huge bundle of nerves. I’d never been a quitter, and I wasn’t about to start. “Yes, I do. It’s not fancy, but it’s close.”

  “You’ll want to dress. I’m sure Dr. Starrett has already heard you’re here and,” he nodded his head towards the phone, “With that call, he’ll be knocking.”

  I jumped out of bed, grabbed my clothes and opened the door thinking I’d take a quick shower. It was a toilet only. “Where’s the shower?”

  Ian started laughing. “Up at the main house. This used to be an old troop camp which has undergone refurbishing.”

  Aha, I knew it. The place had a familiarity with it. My mother sent me to camp every summer from the time I started school. I could recognize one blindfolded just by the stale smell.

  “When do you fly home?”

  “Tomorrow evening, but if you want to go tonight, Jet Lynx will come and get us,”

  “Let’s go home tomorrow morning together. Tonight I need to be an open book and answer all of your questions.”

  I was sitting on the bed pulling up my boots when someone knocked on the door. “Ian, it’s Frank.”

  I made eye contact with Ian. “Starrett,” he answered softly. He looked me up and down, sufficed that I was decent and went to the door. Instead of coming in, they stayed on the porch. I wasn’t sure if I should go outside or wait, so I stayed inside, but moved to the only chair that was by the back door.

  Within a few minutes, Ian opened the door and stood in the opening. “Chelsie, Dr. Starrett wants to say hello.”

  I walked outside and found a young, attractive man who looked to be about thirty, sitting in one of the chairs. Ian motioned for me to take a seat.

  Definitely not the sixty-year-old psychiatrist that I had pictured.

  “It’s nice to meet finally the woman Ian has spoken about.”

  I couldn’t say the same since Ian hadn’t spoken to me at all during his absence. “He says that you’ve been trying to kick him out.”

  The big guy chuckled, and when he did, he looked even younger. “Oh, he did? Yes, that’s true. I recently told him he was hiding, and I thought he was a chicken. There’s more medical terminology, but why I wanted to speak with you has nothing to do with any of that.”

  “Then what, Dr. Starrett?”

  “Have you ever known anyone with addiction?”

  I shook my head but then started thinking about Carson. “Well, maybe I do. My ex-husband has all kinds of issues and—well, Ian doesn’t know this, but he tried to rape me recently.” Fearing Ian would go ballistic, I grabbed his hand and searched his eyes. “He’s in jail awaiting trial, but I don’t know if he was on drugs or what. He definitely had been drinking.”

  Anger oozed from Ian’s tight jaw, and I knew the signs, but he held himself together, for which I was proud. Although I knew he’d have more questions for when we got in the car, if he waited even that long.

  “That’s horrible, and I don’t even know what to say to that except I’m sorry for you and your family and even for him because he’ll realize someday all he
has lost. Addiction rears its head in the ugliest of forms, but the worst is the lies. Addicts lie. Period. And they’re believable at doing it. Addicts are crafty and cunning, another form of lies. I’m not trying to tell you something Ian doesn’t already know. What I’m going to say is be true to who you are and trust your instincts. We tell this to all family and friends.”

  His instructions unnerved me. Did I have any clue at what I was getting myself into?

  “So, you’re saying that because I love Ian, and I want our family together, I’ll have blinders on?”

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Addicts know they get challenged. It’s fair game for the situation. You can be kind in your questioning, but, if the answer doesn’t feel right, it might not be. I’m telling you this with him standing here so that you don’t go away from here with secrets. Secrets and lies kill relationships, and addicts use both to their advantage.”

  Ian and I were still holding hands. His grip was tighter on me than was comfortable. When I looked up at him, I saw why. He was angry about Carson. I prayed he didn’t try to blame himself for not being there and for leaving me alone.

  “Ian, stop by and pick up your personal things from Linda. She’s up there bouncing around in happiness for you two. I hope to see you again on the outside and find you doing well, my friend.”

  When they hugged, it was a lingering one. It told me that they truly cared about each other. I didn’t know if Ian would share all of that, but it wasn’t mine to know.

  Secrets and lies. That warning was the most unnerving.

  Ian didn’t want help as he packed his things, so I stood on the porch and admired the quiet sounds of nature off in the distance. I’m wondered what Ian thought about during his time on the deck.

  While he said his goodbyes and checked out, I went to warm up the car. I had on a light jacket, but the evening air seemed quite chilly after the rain. Or perhaps it was knowing that Ian and I could be free to be ourselves at the hotel had me overly sensitive. I closed my eyes and felt his skin on my skin. When the door popped open, I sprung back to real life with an unexpected jerk.

  “Start talking and don’t leave anything out.” He spoke through almost a clenched jaw before even fastening his seatbelt.

  “Why are you mad at me?”

  He gripped my hand on the gear shift. “Beauty, I’m not mad at you, I’m mad at myself for leaving you alone and vulnerable to that monster. Please, for God’s sake, tell me what happened.”

  “All right. Okay.” I took a long, deep breath. “You’ve not met Sabrina, who runs the bistro, but Ty and I were babysitting her little boy when I heard a noise downstairs in the store. Carson was in the stairwell, and he tried to rape me on the stairs. He gave me a black eye and Ty saw that portion, unfortunately. When the security force that I’d hired busted in, his junk was hanging out, and he was belligerent. It turns out he’s been videotaping all of us at the apartment, in my office, etc.”

  “Your house?”

  “No, thank God, they didn’t find anything at the house. They’ve done two sweeps now. He’s locked tight behind bars, and the DA swears he’s not getting out anytime soon.”

  “When?”

  “Who knows. Bond was denied. The trial could be forever.”

  His hand felt soft against my cheek. “No, I meant when did it happen.”

  “Oh, Friday before last.” An audible sigh escaped my lungs.

  “Fuck,” he yelled and hit the dash.

  I jumped out of my skin. “Please don’t do this,” my voice just short of a silent plea.

  “Baby, I’m so sorry. I’ve hidden in my world like a fucking coward, thinking I was protecting you, and now I realize that I left you wide open to be prey. What about the other guy?”

  I smiled at him. “Jason was a hired escort. He is a wonderful guy and is now dating Sabrina, but I hired him to pose as my boyfriend to lure you out. It worked. There was never anything physical between Jason and me. I know it sounds strange, but the truth is I couldn’t be happier about doing it; you and I are pregnant because of it.”

  “So you duped me?” He ran his thumb along my lower lip with a half-turned smile.

  “Uhm, yep.”

  “Take me away from here.”

  On the way to the hotel, he held my hand and told me more about his drug issues. He regretted not wearing an Al-Anon bracelet to identify his reactions with narcotics to medical personnel but agreed that there was no way to manage his pain without it.

  “I told you once that my love for you needed time to bury my darkness. You thought I meant Olivia, but it wasn’t just her, it was everything of that world I’d left behind.”

  “So, leaving California wasn’t about Oliver’s bullying issues, it was about drugs?”

  “No. I’d been sober since before Oliver was born, thanks to Olivia.”

  “Sex became your new addiction?”

  A pregnant pause held the air. “Yes, in a way,” his sigh audible.

  My breath escaped slowly as I drove down the darkened road, so unknown to me and yet so filled with promise. “I see that now. And as long as we’re telling truths here, I have to tell you that I’m disappointed that you felt my love wasn’t strong enough to sustain all of this.”

  “Give it a few days to sink in, Chelsie, then we can sit down and talk about it.”

  “Well, I’ve picked a fine week for all of this. Izzy and Mick are getting married on Saturday at the bistro. Parker, my newest employee, started yesterday at the boutique, and he’s gay and fabulous and let’s see—oh, my Ob/Gyn wants to do an ultrasound next week, and my therapist wants to see me, thanks to you, and my follow-up with the neurosurgeon on my eye is next week. So any more items on the list and I might explode.” The ramble took my breath away.

  “Who’s got Ty?”

  My nav had me going in circles with U-turns and I was just short of becoming temperamental. “Denise, who was supposed to be staying with her grandbaby while her son is in Asia, but that trip got delayed, thank goodness.”

  “I’m glad you have Denise,” he echoed.

  “Yeah, well, I’m glad I had somebody too, seeing as I didn’t have you.” I’m not sure my tone was unintentional.

  “What do you want me to say?” His temper was shortening as well.

  “I don’t know.” I threw a hand up in desperation. “You let me walk into a mine field, Ian.”

  “It’s why I didn’t invite you. NOW you’re getting it.”

  Overwhelmed with swirling thoughts and feelings, I slammed on the breaks in the middle of the road before even checking to see if someone was behind me.

  “What the hell are you doing? You’re going to get us killed. Pull over to the side,” he screamed.

  I pulled the car over on the side of the darkened road and got out. I started walking—not knowing where, but I needed space and air to think.

  “Chelsie, get back in the car.”

  I kept walking back towards the direction from which we came.

  “Get in the car, dammit, there are bears out here.”

  I didn’t pay any attention to his commands. It wasn’t like he owned me. Although, he really did—heart and soul. For so long I’d been praying more than I breathed for this moment. A chance to be with him again and mend what went wrong.

  “Get in the fucking car.”

  Desperation began to rattle me. Sylvia and Richard allowed me to walk into something so unexpected, I wanted to curse the world at that moment. I kept walking, the tears flowing, fear shredding me.

  Within a couple of minutes, a hand tugged at my arm.

  “Let go of me,” jerking away.

  “Chelsie?”

  I hit his chest with my fist. “Don’t. You’re an asshole, and I want to hate you,” I cried harder. “Do you have any fucking clue how hard it was to watch you leave? To hear your smug parents, speak to me with such little respect infuriated me with no support from you. To watch Oliver be yanked from me moments after him telling
me he loved me?” Sobs stole my breaths. “Do you? This baby—our baby, is it the only reason you want to come home?”

  “Please don’t doubt my love for you. Give me a chance, baby, please. I love you so much, allow me to show you?”

  He reached for me again, but I put my forearms in front of my face and cried into them. His arms came around me, pulling me close to his chest. “Shh. Beauty, I understand the fear. Believe me, I do.”

  There I was once again. Hard. Angry. Submitting.

  “I am getting it,” I mumbled between sobs.

  As cars passed us by, he hugged me tightly. “Honey, let’s get in the car before someone hits us.”

  We walked arm and arm back to the car and sat for a moment while the heater warmed us. Ian didn’t even have a coat with him. “On the one hand, I want to crawl back into your skin and have you cover me with your love and that snarky banter I knew before—and on the other, I want to hurt you for hiding this from me. Dr. Starrett was right about one thing, addicts are master liars.”

  “I never lied to you.”

  I stared at the dash light reflection on his face. “Omission is a lie.”

  Without another word, I found the hotel and got us checked in. He watched as I undressed and disappeared in the shower. He didn’t offer to join me. Instead, he booked us a flight home first thing the next morning.

  As the hot water ran down my back, I tucked my arms close to my chest and closed my eyes. I’d been making a lot of wrong turns in my life, but I didn’t want Ian to be one of them. There had to be hope for everything we had, I just couldn’t expect miracles.

  “Can I join you, I’m freezing.” He was standing on the other side of the clear shower curtain, naked.

  “Sure.”

  When he stepped in, his eyes met mine before trailing down my body. He placed his injured hand over my love bump and started to cry…

  My fingers rested against his lips. “Please don’t—”

  “I will make this up to you, him or her and our boys. I promise. I said I had nothing to live for, but, oh how stupid I was. You all are my everything.”

  I kissed him hard on the mouth, but he didn’t respond with any sort of passion. “Don’t do it for us, do it for yourself and the life you want because looking in the rear-view mirror is trouble waiting to happen.” I started to step out of the shower, but he pulled on my arm.